Wednesday, June 27, 2012
It's incredible how much easier life can get once you let go of the things that hold you back.
It's lovely to notice yourself getting more cheerful and other people saying you look happier than you did.
But the best thing is to remember those times you were really, really happy and felt you could take on the world...
It's a crazy thing, I guess, but I've always been the happiest when I was away. I love my home, the known streets and familiar faces, but in a different country, an unknown place, I've always felt great.
The feeling of being anonymous in the city and the feeling of being there with the loveliest people ever mixed up to a great sensation, a time to remember for ever. It's been a while, but it still feels like it could have been just yesterday...
It's so easy to blend into the masses and go with the flow, explore new things. In most countries, people will be so nice to you and try to help you with everything you need.
I remember a poor Peruvian family sharing their food with us and crying out of joy when we came to visit them in their house. I felt like I could spend my life in Peru, with these beautiful people.
I remember an Italian lady who came running after me in Rome when I accidentally dropped my cardigan on the street. I could spend every holiday in Rome and still wonder about the beauty.
I remember people in Germany doing everything they could to make us feel good and happy and give us a wonderful summer. I could live there, it felt like home; Ich bin ein Berliner.
I can remember only a few moments where I felt as happy as I did when on one of my travels.
There's nothing like walking a small path, hand in hand with everyone else, and then suddenly seeing Machu Picchu. It was the very same image as on the cover of my guide book and it felt incredible.
There's nothing like the Trevi-fountain at night with your friends, eating gelato and hopping down the streets. We were so close together and we still talk about those crazy moments we had there.
There's nothing like cycling in Berlin at night, when the wind blows through your hair and you see the city lighting up. It felt like we were flying and it was so beautiful. It really felt like being in love...
But eventually, there's nothing like a night out with the friends I've always had either, drinking mojitoes and having fun.
It's not the activity, it's whom you share it with. And I have to say that I have nothing to complain about when it comes to that.
I still love the ones I haven't seen in years. They still feel like close friends. It will always be this way.
Because, once the moment is gone, it's the memory that counts...
There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them al.
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
- The Beatles -
Monday, June 11, 2012
Our love fell apart like broken glass shatters on the floor.
I can't tell where it went wrong exactly. I can remember many moments that were just wrong.
Suspicious minds, angry persons, mean words.
I don't know what was the worst. The fact that we started something which we shouldn't have started at all, the fact that we went on for too long after it had died, or all these moments I felt misunderstood.
Maybe it was what you said. I never gave you reasons nor right to say to me what you did.
Now and then the words tumble through my mind. Bitch. Slut. Alcoholic.
It only makes me feel more sorry for your small-minded being than I already did.
Then I called it to a stop.
I'd rather be alone all my life from now on than being with the wrong person and feeling imprisoned.
Maybe our love didn't fall apart eventually.
Maybe I just dropped it, smashed it to the floor, danced on it.
And tell you what?
I haven't felt so good since those all months we spent together.
I finally can enjoy being myself again without hearing you say it was wrong to behave the way I did.
I'm making it up to myself again. I can laugh wholeheartedly, dance around, have a drink or two and wear whatever I want to and no one who tells me to stop.
And I know there will be so many good times ahead. I know there will be lovely moments coming.
I'm not sure what. It could be anything. My mind is open for anything.
There are some things I'd like to happen, people to see again, moments to remember. Who says all of that is impossible? If I can dream it, I can make it.
But most of all, I feel more joy and I'm trying to be a better person again.
I only feel the positive things, and isn't that wonderful...
Now we're over, there is more time for the people that always were there for me. Friends, family, new people to meet, old ones to remember. Parties to celebrates, nights to go out, things to be talked.
People who make me happy and who like spending time with me.
I don't grieve the time we spent together. I learned from it and we had our good moments. I'm not angry. I came out stronger.
And you know what?
You were wrong: I do deserve better.
Another night and I bleed
They all make mistakes and so did we
But we did something we can never turn back right
Find a new one to fool
Leave and don't look back. I won't follow
We have nothing left it 's the end of our time
We can't cry the pain away
We can't find a need to stay
There's no more rabbits in my hat to make things right
Out of my life, out of my mind
Out of the tears we can't deny
We need to swallow all our pride
And leave this mess behind
Out of my head, out of my bed
Out of the dreams we had, they 're bad
Tell them it's me who made you sad
Tell them the fairytale gone bad
- Sunrise Avenue -