If you're broken I will mend you

I've been wondering about luck.
It's a strange thing to think about. You either have it or not, and probably won't spend much thought on it. I didn't, either. I was perfectly happy following the plans I'd made, dancing through life and laughing all the time.
But suddenly things changed.
And admitting things aren't going according to plan, feels like failing. And I never wanted to fail. I never thought I would. 



It's some kind of melancholy that is taking part of me. It is trying to take my smile away. It's hard to fight these black feelings and if I weren't afraid of losing myself, I would give in.
I still know how to be the way I used to be - careless, happy, spontanious. But I don't know how to be that way without hurting others.
And the worst is people saying they are worried about me, saying they only want me to be happy.
I never wanted to hurt anyone...



But at least, the sun is shining.
And I might figure out some other plans to follow.
I'll land on my feet.
No matter what.

With love,
Kirsten

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

- Eagles - 

Inspiration

A post dedicated to those who lost the fight.
To those who still are fighting.
To those who will have to fight.
And above all, to those who have won the fight.

October Breast Cancer Month is over now, but I still wanted to share the prettiest pictures taken from Pink Ribbon Magazine.
I don't think it's something we only have to think about once a year. It happens everyday, everywhere.
So, just before we could forget...

A future without cancer. Without the pain, the loss, the need to fight.
Will it ever be like that?
I can only dream about things like that, and maybe, one day, I could do something for those fighters.


In ten, fifteen years, I want to be the one that says: "We did what we can, and it's gone."
I also will have to be the one to tell people something they never want to hear.
But I will do whatever I can to make a difference.
Every person is another one, every life saved a miracle.

I've been wondering about the future lately. I really hope I can realise one of my biggest dreams; studying medicine and become a doctor. It's what I've always wanted, and I know I'll never want something else.
But can I handle the job? Am I strong enough to look someone in the eyes and say: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have cancer, and there is nothing we can do about it anymore."?

I'm not sure. I hope I am. And if I'm not, I'll find something else to live happily with.

Every ending is a new beginning. You have to close the old doors to open new ones.
A new beginning doesn't have to feel good right from the start. You might grow used to it.
You always have a choice.
And if you just keep in mind some lessons I always try to think of when everything seems to be going wrong, I'm sure it will be better.



First: Love is the solution for so many problems.
Love and time can heal all wounds, if you only let them. If you feel bad, call your best friend, talk to your mother, play with your pet.
Prevent yourself from feeling lonely and sad. You never are alone.



Second: Life is a precious gift we're given. Don't waste it.
Time always is too short. Make sure you never regret things for not doing them.
Be crazy, be yourself, do what you feel like. If it's dancing on the table and singing out loud, then dance on the table and sing. If it's crawling under the covers and relax, do so.
But just make sure you are doing it because you want to.



Third: Never forget to smile and be kind.
Reach out your hand when that's what someone needs. Help them to get up again, take these first insecure steps together. It makes everyone stronger.
Be nice to yourself. It's who you have to live your life with.



Now, all that is left for me to say, is never give up. No matter what you're fighting for.

With love,
Kirsten

And you know, and you know

'Cause my life's a mess

And I'm trying to grow
So before I'm old I'll confess:

You think that I'm strong

You're wrong, you're wrong
I'll sing my song, my song, my song.

If I did it all again I'd be a nun
The rain was never cold when I was young
I'm still young, we're still young
Life's too short to be afraid
Step inside the sun.

- Robbie Williams - 

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

Let's think about something deeply...

Life is beautiful.
La vie est belle.
Das Leben ist schön.
La vida es buena.
Het leven is mooi.
La vita è bella.

So many ways to say it, and they all lead to the same conclusion.
Is that something we can apply to other things, too? If so, how many ways are there that lead to a happy end then, or to love?

Things might seem different once you notice they have turned upside down. But the essential thing remains the same... So wouldn't that mean that things never really change, but all you have to do is look at them in a different way?
Doesn't upside down just mean the same, but different? That would mean, all we have to do, is changing our perspectives, and we can change everything from bad to good, from good to better... 

How many ways are there to bring a smile to someone's face?
Must be a million... 

Music, singing, dancing.
High heels, a floral dress, a shimmering necklace.
Bright red lipstick, lovely nails, a wonderful smile.
Family, friends, lovers.
The ones who are there for you, the ones that can make you laugh so hard your stomach hurts and tears stream down your face.



How many ways are there to reach your destiny? To find find someone who is the same, but different, too? Made for each other, a perfect match.
If one thing goes wrong, doesn't mean you can't be happy in another way. I don't believe we are made for a certain life, I believe we can do what makes us happy and that will be different things. I could be happy being a writer, I could be happy studying medicine. Two things which will end in complete different lives...
Can that very same attitude be used in case of love? As in, there's not one person who can make me happy, there are more?
I'd like to believe there's only one true love, though I have to admit that there probably are more. I've gone through that, too. It's not bad, for I know, that eventually everything will be fine.

Who never has been walking the edge, who never has known the fear of falling down, doesn't know the relief, the happiness that runs through you whenever you reached your destiny.
It's not bad, being afraid of falling. Everyone is. I am too, all the time.
But as long as I know that I'll have people who will always help me to get back up again, I can handle that fear.
Never let fear keep you from doing something, it's better to regret what you have done than what you have not done.



How many ways are there to see the beauty in something common?
It's a talent to create something pretty with the most simple things. And I can't do more than hoping, wishing to have only the slightest bit of that talent.
It makes life bereable.

With love,
Kirsten

Give me something, I've been wanting
Take my feelings to the sky.

Give my something, I've been wondering

Give my feelings wings to fly.

Destiny is to be by your side.

- Sunrise Avenue

If you search for it, you'll find it everywhere.

Ah well, eventually, there are so many incredible things... But you manage to facinate me all the time, and no matter how many time I spend thinking about it, it never gets exactly clear to me.
But maybe that's not the intention at all. 

And I just wanted to let you know that I am happy. Not all day every day, but every day. And that's what counts. Though I'm confused and sad sometimes, I always find happiness in little things.

Sticking together with my friends, for an example.
When I was going through one of my hardest times, they were the ones who were there for me, and now, they still are. With me being hard to handle , feeling misunderstood or being incredibly happy sometimes, friends are the most important thing one could have, to share emotions and moods with.

Whatever you cause us to feel, we're there and we're ready. We can handle you.

Seeing things from another angle opens a lot of doors.

Let us be together. I know it's possible.

Let us change the natural things, make them even prettier. It's all we need.

Come closer. It changes everything.

I'll find my place to be. It will be fine.
And after all...

With love,
Kirsten.

I’ve been running far away from love
I’ve been trying to rise above
Thought I’d be cooler with no one
And I thought it would be easy
I thought it’s easy.

There was not a warning sign on you
There was nothing I could do
You opened all the gates from me
And you made me see it’s easy
You just feel the love and sing. 

Better for worse, to rain or shine
Now you’re mine, it brings me
Happiness happiness happiness
You are the one (you bring me happiness)
You call me dear and hold me close
Give sweet love and it glows
Happines happiness happiness
You are the one (you bring me happiness)

Lately she’s been dreaming about the one
About her prince, the golden son
She’s waiting for the perfect match
But that ain’t quite the catch
It’s easy
She should find someone who sings.

 

- Sunrise Avenue - 

Tides are changing

Some things seem so clear, so easy. They are what they are, a simple creation in its own beauty, nothing special.

Just too bad the things I really want all seem like a complete mess...




Nothing lasts forever, nothing can survive the threat of time passing. An hour, a day, a week, a month, a year... What would they be worth if nothing changed? If today would be like yesterday, and tomorrow is exactly like today, what a life would that be?
It wouldn't be one.

My dreams and hopes have always reached to the sky. They still do so. Would it be easier if my expectations, my dreams, weren't that big?
I don't think it would. For they still haven't come true, it might be better to keep dreaming till the dream does come true.
At least it's easier than reality. There are no limits in my mind, I can do anything there. Time, distance, troubles there might be, they don't matter anymore when I dream. In my dreams, it's just me and you and we laugh...

But still, how do I know if these dreams will come true? Everything changing, but I still don't have the guts to say what's on my mind exactly, or what I feel.

It confuses me so often. I talk about everything to everyone, till they are annoyed by it and tell me to please shut up for five minutes.
But the words I'm in love with you always get stuck on my lips...
What if there's something wrong with me, being not able to take the chance and risk something by using these words? Life is about taking the risk and go for it, I know, but still, I just can't do it.
In my dreams, there isn't such a thing, there's just the understanding, safety, and warmth...



Shadows can't find me when I'm asleep. It's been really long since I've had my last nightmare, a few years. My dreams might not be horrifying, they still can be confusing. What am I dreaming, what am I seeing, what does it mean?

Sometimes, the answer seems so clear, but the moments I wake up feeling confused make my head spin.
Is it strange I sometimes pretend I'm talking to you when I feel like that?



Maybe it's better to let you go. But with you, I'd let go of all my dreams. I might be able to live without you, it's how I'm surviving for a while now. But I know I can't live without my dreams. They're what drags me to boring moments, hard times.
Whenever I'm sad, it's okay to think there will be better times, that everything will be fine. That there will be a moment on which everything falls into place and is clear. That there will be a happy ending, and that one day I might not need to say the words I can't say, but that a simple I feel that way, too will be enough.

And I truly believe that that is true. I have to.

With love,
Kirsten

Träumst du davon, alles zu riskieren?
Träumst du? Ich träume mit!

Fühlst du auch, wie unsere Zeit verrinnt?
Fühlst du? Ich fühle mit!
Weinst du auch, wenn deine Welt zerbricht?
Weinst du? Ich weine mit!
Brauchst du mich, wenn du am Abgrund stehst?
Springst du? Ich halte dich!

Nichts ist für Immer
und für die Ewigkeit.
Nichts ist für Immer,
nur der Moment zählt ganz allein.

http://lyricstranslate.com

Brauchst du mich, bei deinem letzten Schritt?
Ich halte dich...

- Unheilig - 

Nothing is forever... 

http://lyricstranslate.com

It's heartache that keeps me up at night

Do you know what it is like having your head and your heart fighting?
Ever felt turned inside out, head over heels, torn from head to toe?
Choices, decisions, possibilities to be made, to be thought about, to be considered.

Black, white.
Dark, light. 
Easy, hard.
Safe, insecure.
Head, and heart... 

What is it that I want? And, even more important, is what I want the same thing as what is good for me? Or could that be something entirely different? I'm not sure if I know what is good for me, but if I don't know it, who would know?
Could there be a chance that it was...you?

"All I want is you."
But... are you really all I want? Or is there something more?

My heart says it's all. My head says it can't be all, there has to be more. 
It's like my head and my heart are arguing in languages I don't understand completely, languages which are foreign to me.
My head says I should let go, that it's better to let it be as it is now, that it would be stupid to do something with these feelings you give me. I barely know what I'm feeling and for whom exactly these feelings are.
It wouldn't be smart to listen to these feelings for someone of whom I'm not even sure that I know this person.
But... My heart says that that is what I want to do the most, that I want to be with you, that I want to get to know you if I don't already do so.

Whoever said that love is sweet, must have fallen in love easily at the age of thirteen with the girl of his dreams and been together from then on.
Love, which is, according the me, the most powerful and most important thing on Earth, brings people up high and all down below again.
But just imagine how perfect it would be: Falling in love, sharing that love, and then a happily ever after.
Too bad things almost never are perfect...

If there would be a solution in hiding, I would leave immediately to a place no one could ever find me. Being all alone might even be better than being with anyone. At least it would mean that I didn't have to think about all these circumstances which are hunting me...
I'd know where to go. There are some places which are drenched with my happiness. I'd run to one of these places, but would it be the same as it was last time? When I was there with you?

I don't want to hurt anyone, but what if that would hurt me? Should I put my own happiness over someone else's? Wouldn't that be selfish?
Then again, a heart always is selfish enough to make it's own choices. So is love.



I've made my decision, I know what to do. It only has to be arranged.
It might take some time, and all I do, is asking for that time and some patience.
You don't have the faintest idea of what is going on. Neither have you.

I just hope to get it all clear as soon as possible, and that my head and my heart can find some peace again.
I need some help, some understandig.
If there's no one to incite feelings anymore, does that mean these feelings aren't there anymore?
I hope that I will find out. I have to.

So here's the plan: I'll do what I have to do to figure it all out, to get it clear.  My heart will be sealed as long as possible.  

Show me if you still are able to unwrap it and I'm yours, even if that wouldn't be the best thing to do.
And if you can't unwrap it, there always is more. I'll find my way through it.

If anyone gets hurt, please know it has never been my intention.
But I think that this time, I just have to do what I want, what I feel is right. I'll have to leave my heart at home as I go discovering the unknown to make it known.

My dearest reader, please help me if you can. 

And if you can't, please learn something of my story. 

I can't turn it back, but you might be able to prevent things like this.
Oh, how my aching heart longs for something it can't have...

With love,
Kirsten

You bring me right back down to the earth from the promised land.
We’re getting close to the centre of the earth with an honest plan.
You’ll never be your mother or your father do you understand?
Do you understand?

Why don’t you teach your heart to feel?
And give you love love,
Give you love love,
Give it all away.
Why don’t you teach your heart to talk?
And give you love love,
Give you love love,
Give me give me what I need/

- Take That -