If you're broken I will mend you

I've been wondering about luck.
It's a strange thing to think about. You either have it or not, and probably won't spend much thought on it. I didn't, either. I was perfectly happy following the plans I'd made, dancing through life and laughing all the time.
But suddenly things changed.
And admitting things aren't going according to plan, feels like failing. And I never wanted to fail. I never thought I would. 



It's some kind of melancholy that is taking part of me. It is trying to take my smile away. It's hard to fight these black feelings and if I weren't afraid of losing myself, I would give in.
I still know how to be the way I used to be - careless, happy, spontanious. But I don't know how to be that way without hurting others.
And the worst is people saying they are worried about me, saying they only want me to be happy.
I never wanted to hurt anyone...



But at least, the sun is shining.
And I might figure out some other plans to follow.
I'll land on my feet.
No matter what.

With love,
Kirsten

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

- Eagles - 

This dream was me and you.

I happened to come across some pictures my sister took about half a year ago.
Surprised, interested, I started watching them.
Surprised because I immediately noticed that I knew all these places the pictures were showing me.
Interested, because I wondered if she would have seen the same things I saw two years earlier.

Of course, nothing was exactly the same. The weather conditions were different, she had a newer camera than I had, she did some other things.
But I was glad to find the city itself hasn't changed and still is as beautiful as I remember it.

Let's take a trip through some pictures, through two different minds that are the same somehow, too.
Two different persons seeing the same things. In different ways.





The coast of Blanes still looks the same... Only sunnier.
Doesn't mean less pretty. Just means different.





The sky still is blue, the leaves still are green.
The trees might have grown taller. Some might have fallen down, others might have been born out of the earth. But in this abundant garden, I don't think a chance is visible...





The sea still has that incredible attraction on me.
Do you know that feeling, when you see the sea, you just have to feel the waves, the water?






The sun still sparkles on the water, making you want to squeeze your eyes rather than looking away.





There still are birds. Though I'm not sure where my sister took this picture with the geese, I liked the fact that she also seems to like taking pictures of animals. I only wished I had seen these geese too...





The city still has it all.
The fuzzy crowded side of the city, the lovely mediterrenean influence of a southern city.





You can still see the most incredible colors. You still can buy anything you would want.
I still must smell like fresh fruit and vegetetables there...





It still is a place where I would imagine fairies living.





It's still so colorful, so lovely and such a nice place to go with friends.





It still is crazy, somehow. Gaudí, Dalí, all these great artists have had the biggest influence, and it's like nothing else I know.





The Sagrada Familia still isn't finished. Even after two years, though they must have done a lot on the inside. I saw the pictures, and it's so interesting to see the building changing. Once it's ready, I really want to go back...





There are details everywhere, now even more than two years ago.
You never are done looking around.

Comparing my own pictures to the ones my sister took, I can't deny the similarity that shows up now and then.
But what makes me wonder, is this: We both saw the same things, in the same city, same circumstances. I love the city and the people, the feeling. My sister doesn't like it at all. I can't even imagine someone not immediately loving it.
It might only be a different way of experiencing. Show two people the very same thing, and they won't see the same.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder if I'm the only one who sees things in a different way.
And I wouldn't want it any other way.

With love,
Kirsten

I had this perfect dream.
This dream was me and you.
I want all the world to see,
A miracle sensation,
My guide and inspiration.
Now my dream is slowly coming true.
The wind is a gentle breeze,
The bells are ringing out.
They're calling us together, guiding us forever.
Wish my dream would never go away


Barcelona! It was the first time that we met.
Barcelona! How can I forget?
The moment that you stepped into the room,
You took my breath away.

- Freddie Mercury - 

Feed me sweet love

Pour drops of sweetness on my skin.
Make them linger there, make them stay.
I want to feel them melting on my skin, the way your warmth mixes with mine.
There are so many different ways to feel, to say, to do and to experience things.
It's all about perceptive, perspective.

Same things. Different image.
Change a little detail, look at it in a different way, and it's clearer immediately.
But still, the inner core, its heart, remains the same...
Does looking in a different way change anything at all then?

I think it does.
Look at it front-faced, don't be afraid to look things right in the eyes and say: "Here I am."
Fear never brings wise decisions. It brings doubts, troubles, blurred minds. Who would want that?
Face your fears.
Face your feelings.
Face everything and everyone that crosses your path.
Let it overtake you, let it get you.
It might be something beautiful...

With love,
Kirsten

If you can't wake up in the morning
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it, try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way.

- Robbie Williams - 

Close-ups.

The opposite of hate is not love.
It is intimacy.
It's being close to someone, something.
It's being able to tell anything without being ashamed.
It's saying what's on your mind.
Above all, it's being yourself. 

If you come closer and look better, you will see so many things you never noticed before
Look at the sea and see the glistening waves.
Look at a friend and notice you share the same thought.
Look into someone's eyes and suddenly they're multi-colored.
Look into someone's soul and feel it's alright.



Details make things worth looking at.
They make you wanna get closer, they make you wanna understand the complexity that hides behind the simple things.
Nothing is perfect, no one is perfect.
But these details, these little things!
Above all, they make things beautiful. 



Sparkles, flowers, patterns. Colors, patches, dots.
These details, once again.
 
Everything we know is built out of parts.
Every little flower has dozens of petals, perfect for plucking: "Love me, love me not, love me, love me not..."
Every person has his own whims, the things that make you one-of-a-kind.
We're all pretty, we shine and sparkle and enlight.



Little surprises are hidden everywhere.
They are there to catch us when we least expect it, and therefore we call them surprises.
Never expect, always be prepared for what might come.
But also let everything come to you. It might wash you over, it might bring you down.
But there will be things that will bring you up again, make you stronger, make it worth it. 

Adore who loves you. Love who adores you.
Laugh with these who make you laugh. Laugh because of yourself.

Accept that it's not always the way you want it to be. Make it that way, then.

Go for it. 

Don't rush, take your time to relax. 

Smell the flowers, the grass, the ocean.

Hold on tight when you found what you've been looking for.

With love,

Kirsten

I know a way to something much better
Hold it inside me
I know a fairytale that 's longer
Than anyone will read
I know a way to something much higher
Keep it inside me
I know the way to touch the sky

Into the light we go, we 're speeding
With all headlights on
I know the glory moment's approaching
This can go so wrong
I know a way to something much higher
Keep it inside me
We 're away from today and this time.

- Sunrise Avenue -  

There's something I got to say...

It's not much, but I felt like I should get it said anyway...



I really appreciate people taking time to read my stories, which sometimes are two hundred pages or more.
My thoughts, which sometimes are insane, blurry, change all the time.
My attemps to poetry, in which I can express my feelings, sometimes not even clear to myself.

I try, but still I'll never be a modern Shakespeare, Byron, Goethe, Voltaire or García Lorca, some of my favorite writers, but maybe, just maybe, I could give the world something new, something different. Something light-hearted and lovely, something happy, drenched in fairytales of love and desire, with rough and sad edges, hopeless and desperate influences.
Nothing is better for a writer's soul than a heavy storm, a true love's feeling, and eventually, a broken heart.

I've always written for myself, to make things clear, and I still love doing so. It always gives me the opportunity to think things over, and other people understanding what I mean, or even liking what I write, is such a beautiful thing to me.
It's really supportive, and I just wanted to say thanks for that.

With love,
Kirsten

Dear Sir or Madam will you read my book,

It took me years to write it, will you take a look?

It's based on a novel by a man named Lear

And I need a job so I want to be a paperback writer.

- The Beatles -

Weren't you all I wanted?

A rose in the high garden you desire. 
Always the rose, always, our North and South!

- Federico García Lorca - 

I'm writing poems again. The feeling that makes me tingle and gives me goose bumps inspires me.
I can't sleep at night. That very same feeling keeps on filling my head every day, and it gets worse at night.
I'm cold and warm at the same moment. I want to scream, to sing, to run. I want to lie down and let it all pass over me. I want to lie down in the grass and see the stars. Next to you. I'll never let you go.

There is magic in my fingertips. It also must be in yours. I feel it whenever you touch me. It slips through my skin and runs through my nerves and veins. It fills my body. It gives me energy, strength, love.
It's a miracle, a wonder, something which isn't logical to excist. It does excist, though, but it still is incredible. It's a fairytale...

Yes, I'm the kind of girl that still believes in fairytales, even though she's seventeen. Take me for what I am, encourage my fantasies, and never say it's useless to believe truly that something special can happen.
Life is a miracle and there are so many things to wonder about. Love, all kinds of it, the birth of a child, friendship, travels, the Earth itself, even death.
Angels do excist. I know some myself...

Now could we just leave everything being and look up to the sky? I don't need nothing, I only need you and me and my freedom. I could go everywhere, I could do everything, I only need to know I can.

Please make me know I can do it all. 

And if I could do it all, would you do everything with me? 

We could be so much stronger if we only did it all together.

With love, 

Kirsten

We'll do it all, everything
On our own.

We don't need anything

Or anyone.

If I lay here
If I just lay here,

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

- Snow Patrol - 

Ti amo Roma

It was a lovely week.

A splendid sun burning on our shoulders and arms. Drinking water which comes from wells in the city. Laughter filling the air. Sneaking to the boys's rooms in the middle of the night. Smoking cigarettes out of the bathroom window secretly.

An enormous city. Ancient history is visible everywhere you go. Walks from early morning till late afternoon. Tired legs, blisters on our feet.

Art, lots and lots of art. The feeling of walking around in a theatre play wearing the wrong costumes. Buildings so high you can hardly see their top if you're right in front of them. Thousands of years of history.

Roma, the eternal city.

There's so much to see, and therefore there are so many pictures. I took almost 600 pictures, of us, of art, of everything. Let's take a look at the prettiest ones...

Of course we couldn't leave without throwing some coins into the Trevi-fountain...

Piazza Navona

 Vatican City. I can't say I'm religious, but seeing all those people who are, who believe in their church so truly, really touched me somehow. Even the church itself, with all its art and decoration, was incredibly impressive...

 Every detail looks so small in that huge building, untill you stand next to it...

St. Peter's Square

Chilling like a bunch of hippies next to the Angels & Demons obelisk.

The Vatican Musea

I wonder how much art there is... If you could buy it, what would the price be? I don't think anyone would have that amount of money.

  School of Athens by Rafaël

The ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, painted by Michelangelo.

Forum Romanum

 The Spanish Steps

Me, Lisa and Maud at the Colosseum.

Having fun at Ostia Antica, doing things which weren't allowed...

An antique jacuzzi? I have the funniest friends...

And then, according to the guys, they suddenly saw three goddesses...

Piazza della Republica by night...

Vicky is happy as a child with the ice-cream I owed her, for graduading in Spanish two years ago.
Congrats, Vicks!

After all, it's important to have fun, even when you're feet hurt and you're marching along the Tiber...

So we took a little break to take funny close-ups...

Castel Sant Angelo, with the Bernini sculptures on the bridge.

Paintings in the Santa Maria del Populo, by Caravaggio.

G is for Gelato!

It was an awesome week. My feet are still tense and I'm still tired. I'm wearin the I heart Roma sweater I (and almost everyone else) bought. I'll see everyone again tomorrow, in Latin class, and we sure will discuss everything over and over again. We'll be remembering like it was only yesterday. We're going to share all the pictures and remember how much fun we had. We'll be whining that we want to go back.

And who knows, we might even go... There's so many beautiful places to visit, so we're not finished travelling at all. Like I once read in a store, painted on the wall: 

Nur Reisen ist Leben, wie umgekehrt das Leben Reisen ist: 

The journey alone is living, as much as life is the journey.

- Jean Paul - 

With love,
Kirsten

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly

- The Beatles -