A moment to think, to feel, to miss, to love.

I'm so sorry I haven't posted for such a long time.

I'm on a holiday, in Germany to be precisely, for a month, so I don't have much time to write and use my computer.

The first week has passed and it's lovely. We went to Bonn, made a trip to Cologne, one of my favorite cities. saw different things, museums, buildings, culture. Our group contains many different nationalities, and we get along very well.

We have France, Brittain, Iceland, Lithuania, Paraguay and of course, or own Dutchie-Holland-team. It's great to meet all these people from different countries, to learn about their culture and have fun together.

At the moment, I'm living with a family in a little town called Wilhelmsdorf, near the Bodensee. It's beautiful here, but I miss the rest of the group, the excitement of the city and our funny travel-leaders.

I also miss my mother, my father, my sisters and my friends.

Three weeks, and I'll be home again with them... Yes, I am counting the days. Eight to go over here, then five in München and five in Berlin...I'm already looking forward to that, it's going to be great.

These days will be wonderful, but then again, there's no place like home.

These are the five of us: me, Anastasia, Jeanne, Chantal and Eliza, on the International Evening, where we presented our countries. Like I said, nothing like home...

Now, just like the picture on top says, there always is something right, something good. 

You only have to find it, get it out, use it. 

I hope I will be able to keep doing that. 

Not only for the next three weeks, but for the rest of my life. 

'Cause eventually, life is traveling, just as much as a travel is living.

Wish me luck for my next three weeks, and if you happen to see my family, tell them that I miss them, that I think about them and above all, that I love them.

With love,
Kirsten

So, so you think you can tell heaven from hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl.

Year after year running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here. 

- Pink Floyd -

What we did last Summer

I brought my best friend to her bus this morning. We waved goodbye as she went away to what I know will be the best time of her life. China.
She doesn't know what it's going to do with her, she can only guess, but I do, for I have experienced such a thing myself. It's a miracle.


I thought back to what I did last summer. The things I saw, I felt, I did. The beauty, the wealth, the poverty and the poor sides of life. I made great new friends.

I can't even think of it as something which happened to me.
It's something from another life, another world.
Time goes so fast.

Almost a year passed since I saw you last. I still remember every single detail. Not a single day passes without me thinking back to you.


We were happy together, we had the time of our lives, we cried together. I belonged to you that time, just as you belonged to me. You're forever in my heart, and I know you won't forget about me either.


As I think of all the crazy impressions, I can't believe things like that really happen. Your luggage carried by llamas in the mountains, camping in the freezing cold.
You surprised me all the time, making me see things I never saw before. I survived, now knowing I can handle more than I ever thought I could.
I loved that.


I left a piece of my heart on every street, on every path, and I need to get it back.
As soon as possible, I come running to you, flying, and we'll be reunited again.


No, this is not the time or the place for broken-hearted
'Cause this is the end of the rainbow
Where no one can be too sad
No, I don't wanna leave but I must keep moving ahead
Cause my life belongs to the other side
Behind the great ocean's waves.


Bye, bye Hollywood Hills I'm gonna
miss you wherever I go I'm gonna
come back to walk these streets again
Bye, bye Hollywood Hills forever.

I will do what I have to, just to see you back. 

Your precious beauty, your warmth, the feelings you gave to me.

I will never be truly yours, nor will you ever be the only one for me, 

but I'll never forget you.

I love you, Peru. 

For now, as Jas probably is on the plane to Beijing,  

I can only think of the trip I made last year, 

and think of her, being glad for her to experience it, too.

It changes lives.

Now for you, my dearest reader, if you ever get the chance, go.
Don't think of what could go wrong, and if you do, think of what will be great.
Before the time to go was there, I woke up in the middle of the night, completely in panic.
I thought of giving up for a hundred times, maybe even more.
But I didn't give up, and now I'm so happy I didn't.

With love,
Kirsten

Long distance love, does it work?
All the miles in between get in your head
No, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go.
Bye, bye Hollywood Hills I'm gonna
miss you wherever I go I'm gonna
come back to walk these streets again
Bye, bye Hollywood Hills forever.

- Sunrise Avenue -

I wonder

Would it help, could it be

That it's just the right thing to do for me? 

Stars. They are magic. See them falling down the sky, and make a wish, quickly! 

But don't say it out loud...

Would my dreams eventually all come true?

Would it be just as I imaged, the two of us, me, and you..

You can wish most anything. Nothing is impossible, if you just believe in making it work.

Go for it, believe, work, and love.

Could that be my destiny?
Is that the life that belongs to me... 

I think everything happens for a reason. We eventualle get where we belong and where we are happy.

For me, it's whenever I'm with you.

And if we truly belong togother?

Then we'll be, one day, forever...

I think that there is someone perfectly right for you out there. I know there will be.

It might only take some time to meet... 

And if by any chance you'd leave me alone

Would I die, being just on my own?

We're strong. We can handle a lot more than we think we can. Believing it will be right in the end will work.

And eventually, we'll have our happy ending.

I'd go with you, no matter where

We'd have each other, that's all I care.

I do believe in Prince Charming. Not riding a horse, but the feeling is there. 

That's all that counts, you loving the other...

(images from www.weheartit.com)

Attemps to poetry are my own.

And if it comes down in the end

Remember all those ways we went.

What belongs together, comes together. What breaks, can be healed. 

What loves, is eternal and pretty.

I'll share with you ony of my favorite, sweet quotations. It comes from one of my childhood heroes. I think you know him, and you probably loved him too.

His name is Winnie the Pooh.

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day,

so I never have to live without you.

That's adorable, isn't it? 

Like it's in the movies, there's a happy ending for everyone of us out there, too.

It'll be alright.  We can do anything, like I said. 

Here is all we need:
Dreams, hope, and pixie dust...

With love, 

Kirsten

Some day my prince will come
Some day we'll meet again
And away to his castle we'll go
To be happy forever I know

Some day when spring is here
We'll find our love anew
And the birds will sing
And wedding bells will ring
Some day when my dreams come true

- Disney -

Please don't stop the rain

Water enriches the world.
How often do we complain about rainy days, cloudy skies, cold?
I do so, too.
Then again, I see the grean sea in the garden, all the flowers and the trees, everything which would not be if it weren't for the rain.
We need water, and in fact, we could see it as a miracle when it comes falling down from the sky, just appearing out of the clouds.

Water is pretty, too. I can remember the day this picture was taken, I was about ten years old then, and we were on a holiday in Bretagne, France. We went to this point, where there are amazing cliffs and it is lovely to see the water hit the rocks and to feel the wind wooshing through your hair.
It rained every day. Still, when I look back to it, it had a certain charm. Maybe it was just the kind of charm a child doesn't appreciate or understand...

Then again, we tried to enjoy the rare moments of sun. We went to the beach as soon as the clouds were gone for a moment, just to notice it had started raining again as we arrived. We still went into the water, only 'till our knees, but we just had to.
Do you know that feeling, how appealing water can be? A clear blue pool, a waveless sea, just anything.

And, when it gets too much, we just send something back to the sky, to tell it to stop the rain for a moment. I remembered this moment very good too. I was twelve and I went to see Robbie Williams live in Cologne with my parents and sister. It rained for a moment, but after the first act, it was dry again and it was a lovely evening. One of the best of my life.

I always used to hate cycling in the rain. Now I noticed, when I give in to it, it is okay, sometimes even delighting. Rain smells good, it smells clean and fresh. 

I once saw someone looking even better after getting soaked. 

You can't do anything about it, so wouldn't it be better to enjoy the circumstances instead of complaining about something you can't change?

I think it is.

With love,
Kirsten

I don't know where I crossed the line
Was it something that I said 

Or didn't say this time
And I don't know if it's me or you
But I can see the skies are changing
In all the shades of blue
And I don't know which way it's gonna go

If it's gonna be a rainy day
There's nothing we can do to make it change
We can pray for sunny weather
But that won't stop the rain
Feeling like you got no place to run
I can be your shelter 'til it's done
We can make this last forever
So please don't stop the rain

- James Morrison -

Weren't you all I wanted?

A rose in the high garden you desire. 
Always the rose, always, our North and South!

- Federico García Lorca - 

I'm writing poems again. The feeling that makes me tingle and gives me goose bumps inspires me.
I can't sleep at night. That very same feeling keeps on filling my head every day, and it gets worse at night.
I'm cold and warm at the same moment. I want to scream, to sing, to run. I want to lie down and let it all pass over me. I want to lie down in the grass and see the stars. Next to you. I'll never let you go.

There is magic in my fingertips. It also must be in yours. I feel it whenever you touch me. It slips through my skin and runs through my nerves and veins. It fills my body. It gives me energy, strength, love.
It's a miracle, a wonder, something which isn't logical to excist. It does excist, though, but it still is incredible. It's a fairytale...

Yes, I'm the kind of girl that still believes in fairytales, even though she's seventeen. Take me for what I am, encourage my fantasies, and never say it's useless to believe truly that something special can happen.
Life is a miracle and there are so many things to wonder about. Love, all kinds of it, the birth of a child, friendship, travels, the Earth itself, even death.
Angels do excist. I know some myself...

Now could we just leave everything being and look up to the sky? I don't need nothing, I only need you and me and my freedom. I could go everywhere, I could do everything, I only need to know I can.

Please make me know I can do it all. 

And if I could do it all, would you do everything with me? 

We could be so much stronger if we only did it all together.

With love, 

Kirsten

We'll do it all, everything
On our own.

We don't need anything

Or anyone.

If I lay here
If I just lay here,

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

- Snow Patrol - 

Put down all my feelings.

Feelings are there to be expressed. The prettiest things have been created that way, and therefore we should go on, creating more. Some say the best things already are created, but we should try to be just as good at least. You might not become the new Michelangelo, or the new Shakespeare, but you could be just yourself and that should be good enough.

When creating something, I don't think it's about beauty all the time. Sometimes it's rather about dealing with something, or about putting your thoughts and feelings in order.
That's why I keep a diary. I like remembering the funny moments, I like to read back and recall. But what I love, is the moment I write it down. I love to let the day pass and think and philophize about people, things, happenings.
It always makes me calm.

I love how words and images can make a wonderful combination. I can't make the choice. I love writing and literature, books, reading, but on the other hand, what would the world be like without gorgeous images, without visible beauty?

I gave it a new try myself. I took the picture on our garden this Spring, as our magnolia tree was blooming with blossoms. The words come from the story I've been working on for such a long time already.
I hope it will be good enough one day.
How amazing it would be to write an actual book, to be able to hold it, to see the cover with my name on it. It still is a dream, but dreams are to be realised...

 

And eventually, there's the old-fashioned love letter. We write mails, we text, we call. 

Sometimes I feel like I've been born in the wrong time. 

I can just imagine it, a dress, a corset, lockets and curly hair. 

A wild romance, passionate love, all kept secret. 

Maybe I'm making it look more romantic than it really is.

Things are good the way they are, but a little romance would make it even better...

And what's wrong with a occasional love letter?

My dearest love, 

I'm looking forward to the moment 

I can hold you in my arms again. 

I miss the nights we spent together, 

just as the days you were by my side.

I have always loved you, and I will always love you. 

Forever yours,

and with love,
Kirsten

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, tomorrow I'll mis you

Remember I'll always be true.

And meanwhile I'm away, I'll write home everyday

And send all my loving to you.

I'll pretend that I'm kissing the lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true.

And meanwhile I'm away, I'll write home everyday

And I'll send all my loving to you.

- The Beatles -

Let us tumble through fields filled with flowers

Take my hand, let me hold yours. Take me to all the places that I wonder, to all the places I've never been. Show me all your colors, let me taste the sweetness, and feel it all inside.
Hold me high in your arms, whisper the words I long to hear.
It'll feel like home then, so natural...

Show me how colors fade, watch the sunset on the beach. Let us dive deep under water and see mermaids with shiny tails and braided hair.

Canto el ansia de estatua que persigues sin tregua         
el miedo a la emoción que te aguarda en la calle.
Canto la sirenita de la mar que te canta              
montada en bicicleta de corales y conchas.
Pero ante todo canto un común pensamiento
que nos une en las horas oscuras y doradas. 
No es el Arte la luz que nos ciega los ojos.
Es primero el amor, la amistad, o la esgrima.


I sing your restless longing for the statue
your fear of the feeling that awaits you in the street.
I sing the small sea siren who sings to you
riding her bicycle or corals and conches.
But above all I sing a common thought
that joins us in the dark and golden hours.
The light that blinds our eyes is not art.
Rather it is love, friendship, crossed swords.

From: Oda a Salvador Dalí, by Federico García Lorca

Let the flowers grow wildly, follow their natural paths. It will be as it has to be, and it is as it is.

They'll grow over our heads, reach to the sky. Take me up there, I want to get higher whenever I'm in your arms, as I feel when you stroke my hair. I could lie there in your arms forever, just staring at the sky...

It'll be our own magical place, a place like home. It will be familiar every Spring, when the leaves come back to the trees again and the sun enlightens the world.

There will be flowers everywhere...

It will look like it's been there for a hundred years. Like it belongs there. Maybe it really does. We'll belong in that fairytale world, just like you belong in my arms and my heart belongs to yours.

Now, please, give me space to think, to speculate, to philosophize, and to rearrange my blurry mind. You messed it up completely, and therefore I love you.

Set me free, let me go whenever I feel like going. I need my freedom, I need fresh air to breathe. I wanna fall and tumble and fall again, but I don't want to touch the ground. Make me feel like I'm flying.

But above all, make me even happier than I already was. I can make my own base of luck, I can brew it in my mind, but I need you to complete it. For my own made luck will match your elixir or happiness, mixed up they'll make a sweet venom called love.

Let us search all the forests, the deserts, let us climb every mountain and we'll find all the treasures life made for us. They're there to be discovered.

Oh, what I would give to escape, to run away and explore. 

There's gold in the air and diamonds in the water, and only you and me.

Isn't that enough?
Yes, it is. It's enough for forever. 

With love,
Kirsten

Well on his way, his head in a cloud

The man of a thousand voices, talking perfectly loud.

But nobody ever hears him,

or the sound he appears to make

And he never seems to notice

But the fool on the hill sees the sun going down.

And the eyes in his head see the world spinning around.

- The Beatles -